CHINO HILLS – Apparently disappointed by his NBA prospects, LiAngelo Ball’s options beyond Lithuania are growing dim. “Nothing is more important than the brand,” said the elder statesman of the Ball family about his son, “and sometimes sacrifices must be made.”
In this instance, we might be talking about a literal sacrifice. “I study a lot of ancient philosophies,” revealed LaVar, “and I realize that I’m just like the Roman god, Saturn. I’m trying to build a Mt. Olympus sized empire and I might need to eat one of my boys if he gets in my way. Obviously it’s not going to be Lonzo. And, well, LaMelo has more Twitter followers, so Gelo is really the only option.”
Ball was somewhat shocked when told by Facebook that they would not be able to stream a live execution on the platform. He assures them that this is perfectly legal and the Big Baller Ball brand’s “cannibal clause” in LiAngelo’s contract covers such an event and that his son knew what he was signing. While still looking for other outlets to stream the gluttonous consumption, Ball has not ruled out starting his own social media platform. Potential names include BallBook and InstaBalls.
By Marv Gomez, D&H Staffer