In the Wake of Parkland Comment Controversy, Nugent Announces White House Bid

The otherwise irrelevant Ted Nugent has announced his bid for a 2020 presidential run following a firestorm of attention after calling Parkland survivors “mushy brained” and “soulless.”

Long-time NRA spokesperson Dink Windstrom will be Nugent’s campaign manager. “Trump has paved the way,” says Windstrom, “but he’s not nearly conservative enough for Nugent. There’s still so many people to hate and so many of us who hate them.”

The tentative nugent campaign slogan is, “Make America Even Greater This Time.”

“We’re just getting started with Parkland. So many of us hate these kids for hating our guns,” continues Windstrom, “America was founded by white people destroying and enslaving people who were different. We would like to get back to those American traditions. What better place to start than Parkland.”

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By Winston Smith, Lead Rectifier

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