HEADLINE: Old People Die – It’s Just What They Do

Recent studies from some of the most prominent medical facilities in the world have confirmed a long unverified fact. Old people die. It’s just what they do. According to Dr. Rusty Smegma, “We have confirmed this theory, that when people get old, they die. Sometimes there is no explanation for it. They just die.”

Dr. Smegma has recently applied for a grant directly from the White House to continue his research with this theory, along with a long-held belief that the Earth is flat and dinosaurs never existed.

 

By Marv Gomez, D&H Staffer

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