VERMONT – In a recent report from the Hawk Polling Agency, new data suggests that Bernie Sanders lost voters because he looked too old and scary. While popular among young voters who equated him to a grandparent, most other young voters found his abundance of wrinkles and stringy hair to be very frightening.
“Every time I saw him speak, I got frightened, terrified really,” admits 22-year-old Nate Floodman. “I know Trump is super old and gross too, but Sanders looks like he’s already dead and decaying.”
Psychiatrist Stella M. Sanders (no relation) says, “It’s Gerontophobia. A fear or outright hatred toward the elderly. Many people suffer from this. It’s actually why more youthful voters don’t participate in elections. Polling places tend to attract more old people than bingo.”
“I don’t really know what he stood for. Something about communism, I think,” added Floodman. “It’s crippling really. It’s scarier than seeing a really big spider in the shower.”
By Janice Susan-Shannon, D&H Staffer
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